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Bet you didn’t know golf was a contact sport…

March 11, 2012

Many years ago, Sam told the story of two notorious golf days he, his brother Jed and his friend Dave embarked on. It was a balmy morning in June and all three arrived at one of Long Island’s premiere courses at 6 a.m. to wait for a 9 a.m. tee time. Although all three seemed in good spirits starting out, it was crowded and by the time they did get to start, the course was already backed up and each hole offered a waiting time of about ten minutes. Tensions grew as they tried to play each hole, and their frustration started to deteriorate their game.

The tenth hole had a large water hazard and Sam was first to hit. As a four handicapper, Sam’s drive usually landed on the fairway. This hole proved to be no different. Dave was not as lucky, and after his drive hit the water, he started to bang his club on the ground in disgust. Jed, an impatient and angry person to begin with, was less than enthusiastic about the water hazard. He could play it smart and lay up to the right, offering himself a decent iron shot  to the green, or go for broke. He was a gambling man though, so he took out the driver and smacked the ball with all his might. You guessed it…in his zeal, he flubbed it and it landed at the front edge of the water. The ball rolled right in.

Embarrassed and completely pissed off, Jed took his driver and laterally flung it through the air towards the woods. Only problem…Sam and his torso were standing in between.   The club head hit him right in the “jewels” as they say and he went down for the count. Mortified, Jed ran to his brother screaming “I’m sorry guy; I didn’t know you were there!” Dave got on the ground with Sam trying to hold his agonized friend by the shoulders, but there was no way to console him. After what seemed an eternity, the three got up. Jed swore to his brother that he would never throw a club again. His days of “angry golf” were over.

Two months later, the three were at an outing for a local charity. It was a humid day and the course was full of inexperienced golfers. By the 14th hole, all three were sweating, frustrated and questioning why they loved the game. Sam walked up to the tee first and hit a great shot straight down the fairway which dog legged right after about 230 yards. Jed was next, hitting his ball a little shorter, but pretty much in the center. Both men were happy they were laid up perfectly for their next shot. Dave walked up to the tee and decided he needed to out drive his friends. As the biggest of the three, he always had the longest drive. He teed the ball a little higher and decided to hit over the trees in order to lay up right in front of the green. Unfortunately, his body didn’t cooperate with his mind’s goal and the ball ended in the thick of the woods, impossible to ever retrieve. Beyond angry with his shot, Dave flung his driver towards his lost ball, but in his zeal to hit the woods, he hit poor Sam instead…you guessed it…square in the “jewels” once again.

The long and short of it…Sam now wears a cup to play golf with Jed and Dave.  True story! You can’t make these things up. 

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